5 Ways To Connect With a Loved One Who Has Dementia - What's Actually Happening to My Parent (or Grandparent)?

Dementia isn't just normal forgetfulness. It's a condition that affects the brain, making it harder for your grandparent to remember things, think clearly, and sometimes even recognize the people they love most – including you.

Imagine your brain is like a filing cabinet filled with memories, skills, and knowledge. Dementia is like someone slowly shuffling those files around, misplacing some, and removing others entirely. Your grandparent isn't forgetting you on purpose – their brain's filing system is changing in ways they can't control.

Finding Moments of Connection

Despite these challenges, there are still ways to connect:

Enter their reality: If Dad (or Grandpa) thinks it's 1975 and he needs to get to work, don't argue. Instead, you might say, "Tell me about your job" or "The office is closed today, but let’s talk about what we need to do when it opens."
Focus on emotions, not facts: Even when memories fade, the feelings remain. Your grandparent might not remember your visit last week, but they can still feel the joy of your presence today.
Share sensory experiences: Music from their youth, familiar foods, or gentle touch can create meaningful connections when words fail.
Bring old photos: Early memories often stay intact longer. Looking at old photos and videos together can spark stories and recognition, and bring up a lot of laughs and great conversations.
Keep visits simple: Short, calm visits in familiar settings often work best.

The Hardest Parts

Let's be honest about the tough stuff:

When they don't recognize you: It can feel like a punch to the stomach when your parent or grandparent looks at you with confusion, asks who you are, or mistakes you for someone else, even a close relative that might resemble you a bit. Remember, it's the disease – it’s not them – causing this disconnect.
The role reversal: Suddenly, you might find yourself reminding them to eat, helping them find their way around the neighbourhood, or explaining simple things. This role reversal can feel strange and uncomfortable.
Unpredictable behavior: They might become angry for seemingly no reason, accuse people of stealing things they've misplaced, or act in ways that feel embarrassing in public.
Watching your parents struggle: Whether it’s seeing your mom or dad stressed about caring for their own parent, or whether it’s your parent who is having these memory lapses, watching them change and struggle with those changes can be stressful and worrisome.

The Unexpected Gifts

While no one would choose this journey for themselves, many children and grandchildren of people living with dementia discover unexpected gifts along the way:

A deeper appreciation for the present moment
Growth in compassion and patience
Stronger bonds with other family members
A profound understanding that love transcends memory

Remember that beneath the confusion and forgetfulness, your parent or grandparent is still there. They may not express love in the same ways they once did, but the connection you share remains – even when memories fade.

Your presence matters more than you know, even when it seems like they don't recognize you. Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give is simply showing up, again and again, with an open heart and the understanding that while dementia may change many things, it cannot erase the impact your parent or grandparent has had on your life.

Looking for Support Along the Way? Or More Ways to Support a Loved One With Dementia?

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether you're watching your parents or grandparents experience these memory changes, or you’re a close friend, sibling, or another caregiver, we’re here to help you find meaningful ways to connect—even when things feel tough. We can help you find a path through this.

No matter your age, your relationship to the person, or which stage you’re at, there is free help and support available for you in Calgary and surrounding areas including Chestermere, Cochrane, Strathmore, Airdrie, Drumheller, Okotoks, High River, Nanton, Banff, Canmore and more. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Talk to someone (virtual or in person)

https://www.alzheimercalgary.ca/find-support/get-help/talk-to-someone

🔗 Visit our website for more support, resources, and real-life connection tips → https://www.alzheimercalgary.ca

Need more tips and tools? Check out our social movement website at www.stillme.ca for more ideas, hope and other community connections.

Your love matters. Your presence matters. Let us help you make the most of every moment.